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Monthly Archives: April 2011

;_ ; difficult

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i want to SHOUT out loud!

why it seems everyone is under pressure?

thus i couldn’t share my own pressure.

everyone is under stress

how can i add some more to worry?

but i don’t know what to do

it is not appropriate to cry

the time goes on, i have to keep moving on

but how can i continue living?

living with such burden is so hard

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sad… cry… ?

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*meeting some friends and acquintances* —> put up a brightest smile, acting fine and so on

*once alone* —> just letting the face curled up and all messed up

===

To be straight forward, I am sad and frustrated. I cried? Yes. Terribly. I was trying to think why I cried for thing I don’t really LOVE? Some thoughts popped up. 

The feeling of RESPONSIBILITY. I had given the responsibility of this thing to take care. Once I failed to do so, I cried. I cried because I cannot fulfil my responsibility and promise to the one who gave me the responsibility.

The SENSE of BELONGING of the thing. I had feeling of what I have. Once I cannot keep it save, I cried. I cried because I cannot take care of it well, that I lost it.

So then, the frustration had its toll on me.

Self harm…. I can understand it somehow. Those who did it, might think that the physical pain just cannot be compared to the deep hurt inside their heart and thoughts.

Suicide… I somehow put some thoughts to those who did it. Those who did it probably just want to end what frustrate and depress them. They couldn’t recall and feel what has been good… what good things they have with them… and also the chance… as well as the future that might be better than the current condition.

So why cry?

Crying… I think crying can help to throw away and let the depression flow away. Crying can also get people’s attention. Then help can come. But on me… right now… I don’t want anyone to know… This is too embarassing. (who thinks making mistakes not embarassing???) I am too embarassed to say things and let people see my bad side.

So I cried. I cried out of frustration. Cry… the one thing I can do….

Praise the Lord!

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Praise the Lord!

For He leadeth my way,thus I don’t go astray.

There are times, He used his staff so I walk on the right path.

As for me, I know my Lord is loving, who don’t want anything bad to happen upon me.

I don’t want anything but to be with Him and walk together each day.

[random] my birthday

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I planned to sort of ignore my birthday this year. I just want to use my space in my brain to think for something else more important! \o/ probably I’ll just go out and stargaze.

For a few years birthdays, I’ve always wanting to make something special. But as always, – as my birthday is on a regular part of the year which means there is always stuffs and tests and assignments to do- I couldn’t make it really SPECIAL as I wanted. I could NOT really ENJOY the event I prepare. *sigh*

So, this year I don’t want to think about doing anything. Maybe some friends or relatives will do something for my birthday like those years before. But I decided, I AM NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING. I just want to forget it. 😛 but I don’t think I can. I just want to ENJOY the day. If I meant to be alone, I’ll ENJOY it alone. If some people celebrates it for me, I will ENJOY the company of those loving people. I want to think a win-win condition. It’ll make me HAPPY!

p.s. sorry I just write this random birthday post after I saw Jung Minnie birthday party. xD It seemed so fun. I felt so happy when I saw him so happy. I also feel it’s so sweet when Minnie hug the fans one by one. AWWW… sorry I’m shouting. I just wonder if I can hug him too! xD. yes, especially the one he hugged and swung the fans. *shouts again* xD

okay… until then. bye~~~ 안녕!!! ^^

My other social network account!

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http://dlittlestar.livejournal.com

I just made a lifejournal account 😉 Basically, it is for special post.

( then this one not special?)

Well, I mean… this wordpress is somehow more personal.. but then I made up a lifejournal account for post that are more general and more simple ones like shorter post. Just these few weeks or months or days *can’t remember* I saw many 30days blabla challenge… and I’m sort of interested… and so… I made other account to do those challenges. hehehhe…

http://da991s.tumblr.com

I also made a tumblr account. well… My tumblr account is sort of abandoned. So most of the posts are only reblogs. I joined it just because I saw some people really enjoyed it and they seem really having fun with it… -.-

So well.. I opened tumblr.. but I really don’t know what to do.. btw Menu had told me the basics tho.. but still…. I’m very slow at getting tumblr. *mianhae*

Okay… that’s all from me… bye

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